BREAKING: Indiana Nightclub Taken Under Siege By J.R Smith (Satire)

A satirical take on JR Smith’s Saturday night


After coming off an emotional roller-coaster of sorts in Boston a couple of nights ago, J.R Smith needed to combat his offensive ineptness. On Saturday night, according to Smith’s publicist, he was “smoking a blunt heavier than a full bag of Halloween candy collected in a pillow case from trick-or-treating,” and “looked atop his head and noticed an imaginary light bulb flickering on and off,” while sitting in his Maserati Coupe. “The weed he had smoked in the car that night really made him paranoid,” said Smith’s publicist, who didn’t want to be identified. “All of a sudden, I was at a loss for words; he was singing ‘Say You, Say Me’ ┬áby Lionel Richie while high. And I must say, what a (expletive) night.”

But that wasn’t J.R’s only method of calming himself down. The Knicks, on their team bus, headed to Indiana to face the Pacers. Once they got to the hotel they were staying at—with every member of the team asleep besides him— J.R ran out of his hotel room and stole the team bus to go on a joyride, en route to the nearest local nightclub in town. More