May 1 2013
Yeah, so about that funeral…
The Celtics don’t want to die. They really don’t. So much for that Knicks funeral that was supposed to happen; it was one, colossal near-death experience for the Celtics. The Knicks totally wasted their time for dressing up in black suits. Celtic fans are going to be hitting us Knick fans back with some kind of black suit/funeral joke variant. But those jokes are all irrelevant for the time being. It’s funny that Celtic fans think that the Knicks are oscillating the white flag in the air already. While this is an infuriating loss, that is obviously not the case.
The Knicks scored the first 11 points of the game. It may have taken light years for the Celtics to strike back, considering their crappy offense. The Celtics scored their first basket on a Brandon Bass free throw with 7:32 remaining in the first quarter. Despite the big hole the Knicks dug the Celtics in, they got outscored 45-28 in the first half after the run. Jeff Green and Jason Terry were hitting threes down the stretch, Kevin Garnett went grizzled, clutch veteran in the 4th quarter and on the glass, and the good ole Celtics trash talk made the Knicks lose their composure and dopamine in their cerebral cortexs.
- Ball movement continuity was non-existent, hence the 6 threes they took, draining only one of them. Telling by that stat, you knew something was wrong. And guess what? A large part of the Celtics offense is what the Knicks killed everyone with this season: Threes. The Celtics shot 11-22 from three, while the Knicks finished shooting 5-22 from the perimeter. Go all “live by the three die by the three” you want, but if you are doing so, stop it immediately.
- In the early parts of the first quarter, Carmelo Anthony was having a better game than he did on Sunday in game 4. Then, after he took whatever drug/inhalant/Ms. Cleo mind control pill in the locker room, he channeled his game 4 ordeal with an eerily similar performance. Melo as the go-to-guy needs to be the stay away plan. If you’re trying to keep count of the isolation plays Melo is in, then you’ll lose count because of how overwhelming the amount is. The excessive, disproportionate use of isos are killing everyone. Melo has shot 18-59 in the last couple of games, and I can’t imagine how many of those missed shot attempts were off of isos (gotta check out Synergy). Melo has also missed his last 15 three point attempts. Not even catch-and-shoot Melo can cut it.
- Lets all commend Raymond Felton for playing yet another fantastic game, much similar to his game 4 as well. This is who should be the go-to guy on offense. Ray’s patented drives were virtually unstoppable, insurmountable to stop. Ditto to his pick and roll play with Tyson, as he connected with him on two lobs tonight. He could have done that all night. But pick and rolls are a sin to an iso-heavy offense that clearly hasn’t worked, so that being said, pick and rolls are the devil. It makes way too much sense to transfer over to pick and roll oriented offensive sets. Also, Felton’s defense on Paul Pierce this series still remains to please. Everyone has gone over his terrible defense during the regular season because, really, it sucked. I never thought I would say that about Felton’s defense, period. No one thought Ray’s defense would be like that. Period.
- Pablo Prigioni died after playing 13 minutes because J.R being inefficient was more important. Prigs logged a +9.
- Iman Shumpert was enraged at all of the bullshit that was going on. Shump complimented Ray by getting into Paul Pierce’s grill quite a lot tonight. It looks like he regained his defensive explosiveness from his grisly ACL injury last year in the playoffs.
- Tyson Chandler did his usual job: Glass cleaning, receiving the lob from Ray, pick and roll receiver, per usual. 11 rebounds to boot, including 4 Tyson Tip-outs™
- A little past 7:00: J.R received a huge ovation the first time he checked in. J.R started bad. He went to the club early, got pissed off because the bouncer didn’t let him in, and lost his composure, even though the club being closed anyways. He tells his chauffeur to drive to MSG, rapidly. The chauffeur drove so fast that the engine broke down. Luckily, the Hummosine broke down right in front of MSG. Marv Albert summed up J.R’s night, as he stated “J.R has had a nightmare to this point” after he missed his 7th shot. He’s still not allowed in the club. 9:07: J.R misses his 10th shot and still hasn’t made any shots. Marv Albert summed up J.R’s night, as he stated “J.R has had a nightmare to this point” after he missed his 7th shot. 9:28: J.R MADE A FUCKING SHOT. OMGOMGOMG. 9:34: J.R MAKES SECOND SHOT. LATE GAME J.R HEROICS WERE IMMINENT! 0.15 seconds in the 4th quarter left: HE MADE ANOTHER THREE, BUT IN GARBAGE TIME; HIS ELITE GARBAGE TIME SCORING FROM LAST YEAR IS BACK WITH A VENGEANCE. Thank the higher power that this night is over for me, Knick fans alike, and, most importantly, J.R Smith (see timeline that was typed). Oh, and Celtic fans will also be jumping on J.R’s comments about him being missed and winning at home with him being back. *gags*
- Kenyon Martin smacked the shit out of KG, got reviewed for a flagrant, and was called off for it. If that was ruled a flagrant, then the 90s crowd’s heads would have gone asplode. That was K-Mart’s only real highlight of the night. And it was an awesome highlight, but that got him tagged with his third foul.
- Ever noticed how Joey Crawford runs? He looks like he’s running to the nearest bathroom possible because he has to take a dump. That running motion also consummates his refing the majority of this game, but what can we do about it? Break your TV glass.
- Bill Simmons mindset after Jeff Green running right through the lane for a Dr.J-like dunk: “I’m gonna make sweet, lascivious love with Steve Kerr after the game now that he got a 2004 ALCS reference in there.” It lasted till game 5 to get a Yankees-Red Sox reference in there. In the TNT post game interview with Craig Sager, Jason Terry continued to ramble on about the same exact Kevin Millar narrative, which is the Celtics battlecry now, apparently. And you know what?
- For some odd reason, Chris Copeland has yet to be seen this series. Woody, snap out of it with your offensive schemes and lineup adjustments.
- Last but not least: MARCUS CAMBY IS ALIVE I TELL YA, HE’S ALIVE!
The Knicks will win the series. Being a pessimist is boring. I’m currently on a respirator, too. Also, I farted.
Follow James on Twitter @ j_griff