Recap: Bulls 110 Knicks 106

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Bill Cosby on drugs

Let’s see…where should I start? Picture yourself walking down the street one night. You slip on a few banana peels because you had a bad day and your vision is really bad because it’s really dark out. One of the banana peels you slipped on was located on a crosswalk. So, you slip on it, and Dick Dastardly and Muttley from Wacky Races run you over from out of nowhere. It was that kind of night. The Knicks didn’t grab the Bulls by the horns by any means, the horns went up their asses. This was probably the biggest basketball mindfuck yet. I really haven’t seen a game so outlandish in my life. Special shit-covered confetti was released from the rafters because thank god that game finally ended after an elongated period of yet another valiant Knicks comeback effort, except, it didn’t succeed in the end, but it almost did. Even without Derrick Rose, the Bulls still put the smackdown on the Knicks for a second time this season (and also those pesky RockLins). The first quarter was filled with grogginess. The Bulls went on an early 14-2 run in the first, until Carmelo Anthony broke the run by hitting a three with 5:39 to play in the quarter after missing 10 of their first 11 shot attempts. The “Good” J.R Smith hit a buzzer beater shot that was SO J.R, leaving the Knicks trailing 30-23 at the end of the first. Some progress was made in the beginning of the second quarter, but then the Bulls went on a 12-2 run to end the second. The Knicks trailed 54-39 at half. Then, the third quarter was basically just a reiteration of the previous two quarters in that the Knicks performance was sloppier than a food fight. However, that reoccurring valiant comeback gene did happen in the 4th quarter, but fell short. The 4th quarter was filled with loads of fun and rage, including a whopping 45 Knick points, a mini-brawl, technical fouls and insulting of the refs. The Knicks didn’t lead the game once, but the fact that they got within 4 playing such chippy, sloppy, shitty basketball is amazing. Whitey Duvall would of dropped dead from singing so much if he saw all of the technicals. Here are some more notes and technicals:¬†

  • There were so many doses of “Hit The Road Jack” throughout the whole game. J.R Smith and Mike Woodson were the first victims of technicals. Then Carmelo Anthony was tagged with two techs for arguing, as well as Mike Woodson getting ejected for having two techs. I translated what Woody said on his second one: “SCREW THIS BULLSHIT. I’LL GO APE SHIT ON THE REFS, YOLO. LOVE YOU, REFS.” Tyson Chandler was also ejected after getting into a mini-brawl with Joakim Noah and his hair bun (more on the shitty refing later).
  • Speaking of Melo, he was trying to attack the rim relentlessly. He did make all of his free throws, going 8-8 from the line, but the Bulls defense was giving him a hard time getting to the line. Melo did everything he could to get to the line. As I said, Melo was ejected for arguing calls a couple of times. Both techs he received were for arguing over fouls made by Joakim Noah. Despite the absolute abominable refing (more on that later), Melo struggled mightily with his shooting. He was reverting back to 2011-12 Melo by arguing with the refs in transition instead of getting back on defense and it was filled with madness.
  • Tonight was a total Feltdown. Once again, Raymond Felton’s grim shot selection probably enraged everyone. I constantly say this, and everyone else does, but when Ray takes sharp aggressive drives to the rim, he succeeds in taking shots that would make him competent instead of settling for those horrendous long twos, making him highly incompetent, which he is at the moment. Ray must be cross-eyed or something. When will the day of better bulldog shot selection come? At this point, no one knows. But you know what’s funny? When the Knicks were attempting their 4th quarter comeback run, Ray drove to the hoop with Joakim Noah right in his face and converted on a layup with less than 20 seconds to go. WHY DIDN’T YOU DO THAT THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE GAME? Ugh…
  • J.R Smith was the Knicks savior in the first half. Without his first half excellence, the Knicks probably would of lost by 15-20 points (I mean, they did deserve to lose by about that margin because of how flat-footed they were). “Good” J.R was around for most of the game until he fouled out. It’s like he reversed scoring roles with Raymond Felton (sort of). I guess being active on Twitter all night does help you get a double-double (26-10).
  • In what was by far his most quieting performance of the year so far, Tyson Chandler, before getting ejected, was limited to only one shot (not to mention, he made it) and 8 rebounds. The Bulls were covering the pick and roll lanes, Joakim Noah and his hair bun in particular, disabling the Felton-Chandler pick and rolls/alley oops throughout the whole game, making it literally impossible for Tyson to create shots. Then, him and Joakim Noah scuffled up in the paint after Jason Kidd converted a three. That got him ejected after getting into the scuffle with, as Bulls fans call him, Jo.
  • Steve Novak healed from his un Michael Jordan-esque flu bug from yesterday, but he struggled from downtown. Just like the first game against the Bulls this season, the Knicks were creating great looks from three, it’s just that Novakaine couldn’t convert the opportunities.
  • If Ronnie Brewer walked into a house party, while “Looking For The Perfect Beat” by Afrika Bambaataa was playing, the party attendants, b-boys and the DJ would stop and stare at him until he leaves, then the music would resume. I can’t wait any longer for Shump N’ Play to return.
  • “What have you done for me lately?” asked Janet Jackson to Jason Kidd. “Eh, not much,” says J-Kidd with confidence. “Just crashing the glass in the wee hours of the game.” Recently, Jason Kidd hasn’t been feeling like Ray Allen from the perimeter, although, he did somewhat break out of his three shooting woes, so he thought that providing assistance in the areas of rebounding would greatly help. 6 rebounds to tack along with 8 points and 3 assists was J-Kidd’s decent stat line.
  • Screaming at my TV was imminent. What was I screaming at my TV? “IN-SERT PRIGS, IN-SERT-PRIGS.” I kept chanting that until Pablo Prigioni finally came in to replace the excessively bleeding cupcake man.¬†Because Melo, Tyson, J.R, and Mike Woodson were all out of the game, Herb Williams took over, and had no choice but to be audacious by inserting a three, yes, THREE guard rotation consisting of Prigioni-Felton-Kidd-Novak-Copeland. Actually, when you think of it, that unit was a five guard rotation. It was something I thought would get trampled on by a herd of elephants, but surprisingly, it didn’t. That unit withheld the Knicks in the 4th quarter, and almost made the most dauntless, gallant, epic comeback ever, but it didn’t happen. Somehow, that unit got to within four points by the end of the game.
  • I don’t talk about referees often in recaps, actually, I don’t think I have *checks other recaps.* But Zach Zarba aka an abomination of a referee/what kind of a name is Zach Zarba? must of learned from this guy’s tutelage. Fans denounced the refs, and sarcastically cheered when a foul was called on the Bulls. It was that kind of night. There were a slew of stare-downs and techs, but this Spike Lee death stare/head shaking in disbelief at Zarba wins best stare-down, courtesy of our friends at The Knicks Wall. Cherish the moment, everyone, maybe.705581280
  • A-r0bY-CcAAJ67R
  • “YOU SUCK…YOU MESSED UP ASLHOHFASOIHYHAKSHF;ALSKF” *countless other insults are said.*

Despite the incredibly substandard refing, the Knicks played like crap throughout the whole game on both ends of the floor. In previous past, in the first meeting with the Bulls, the Knicks had to do everything they could do to get try and get through Tom Thibodeau’s rock solid paint defense. Although the Knicks scored an¬†extraordinary 45 points in the 4th quarter, it seemed like a 4 point blowout because of the first three quarters of awful play. Every time the Knicks tried to go on a scoring run, either Luol Deng, Marco Bellinelli (pronounced Belly-Nelly), Kirk Hinrich would halt the run and the Bulls would go on a blistering scoring run of their own. Hinrich almost got a triple-double, Bellinelli produced a carbon copy of the first meeting against the Knicks, and Luol Deng was complimenting Kirk Hinrich from the perimeter. Joakim Noah and Carlos Boozer were protecting the paint like a prized possession, preventing the pick and roll and alley oops from happening. You know why this game also sucked? Because Vladimir Radmanovic got 26 seconds of playing time. The refs weren’t killing the Knicks’ chances so much, it’s just that the Knicks weren’t converting those chances. Shooting 41% from the field and 30% from beyond the arc isn’t what I would call satisfactory, more like sub-par in the gallows of an underground dungeon.

The world didn’t end yesterday, but I think we can still say the phrase “Mayans” after a game like this. “YOU GET A FOUL, YOU GET A FOUL, YOU GET A FOUL, AND YOU GET A FOUL. EVERYBODY GETS A FOUL.”

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