Dec 20 2012
I seen the lights go down on Broadwa— *record needle halts* wait, THAT’S WAY TOO MAINSTREAM. WHERE’S MY NEUTRAL MILK HOTEL? Oh yeah, that’s right. I don’t even know any of their songs or lyrics *goes on YouTube and looks up their most popular song (wait, what?).* I STILL DON’T KNOW ANY OF THEIR SONGS OR LYRICS. TOO UNDERGROUND *brain fries.* Billy Joel is too cool for the Brooklyn Nets err…I mean hipsters. Mhm, yeah. So, according to Jay-Z, “the city was under new management when the Nets beat the Knicks at the Barclays Center in the inaugural Knicks-Nets showdown. Well, I have some news for you, Mr. Shawn Carter: Cool story, bro. You don’t have to tell it again because you are the absolute worst troll ever. Maybe it was the NetsDaily guy aka Satan controlling your account. I highly doubt it, but still. Maybe you were in a conference room with jolly ole Mikhail and the NetsDaily guy at the same time while sipping shots of Russian Standard (they hate Ciroc) proclaiming that “THE KNICKS ARE FUCKED” watching all seven of your concerts at the Barclays Center before the season started on a movie projector screen that was recently built in the conference room.
Alright, that was my Nets mocking vent session. But seriously, though, Jay-Z is hilarious. He needs to stop wearing his Nets hat so tight, yet I digress. Anyways, the Nets arrived at MSG last night to try and get their revenge after Jason Kidd used his three point prowess in crunch time to defeat them back at the Barclays. In the end, the Knicks routed them, leading the hipsters (I had to) to the exits early. The Knicks started out well, outscoring the Nets in the first quarter 26-23. Despite winning the second quarter, only by one point, the Knicks were doubling the left post, leading to a crapload of wide open looks from the right side of the court in the 2nd. The rotations were really terrible. Joe Johnson hit a couple of wide open threes, while Keith Bogans was Mayansing it up. Then the Knicks trumped the Nets to 19 points each in the third and fourth quarter, which contained a 23-7 run from the end of the third going into the fourth, leading to mocking of the “BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKLYN” chant (needs more O’s, right?) at the end of the game. Oh, and that’s without the PA announcer telling them to chant it. Notes and stuff:
- In Carmelo Anthony’s game time decision return from an ankle injury, quieting the recent phenomenon that is entitled “Copesanity/CopeGod,” (for now) the Nets defense was all over him trying to guard him. Newsflash: you can only hope to contain the almighty Melo. The Nets were attempting to double team him at half court at the beginning of the second half. Melo is that powerful. Melo has now scored 30+ points in all three Knicks-Brooklyns (Nets) games. His drive wasn’t really a force because of his rustiness off of his recent ankle injury, but that’s alright. He still had 31 points anyways, some of the points being off of his oh-so-epic catch-and-shoot abilities from the perimeter and his off-the-dribble shooting, which is almost insurmountable to guard. By the way, besides attacking-the-rim Melo, the other whiz-bang, awesome type of the new and improved 2012-13 Melo is the catch-and-shoot Melo. He may have been limited from his driving, but it’s all fine and dandy if he’s hitting 4-8 from beyond the arc. And he blocked the crap out of Kris Humphries *Kardashian jokes ensue starting…NOW.*
- The gameplan for Raymond Felton, per usual, was to throw up (not his cupcakes) alley oops to Tyson Chandler, resulting in emphatic TYSON SMASHES. And he did just that. Unfortunately, though, once again, Ray was settling for those 18-22 foot jumpers instead of attacking the rim, as if he was charging with a bayonet in a warzone. Ray’s inconsistent, abysmal shooting-happy nights continue to happen. Ever since the loss to the Bulls, his FG%’s are on Larry Hughes Knicks-like levels. His overall FG% as of now is .398. He needs some Dave Hopla assistance. I think I may be wrong, but I believe all of his 4 assists were alley oops to Tyson, one of them being off of yet another beautiful play that was drawn up by Mike Woodson after a timeout. The Felton-Chandler dynamic duo has connected on 24 alley oops this season. Ray’s making good use of his lone alley oop 2K signature skill. Lob NYCity? And amazingly, Duck aka Bulldog was a +15. On another note…
- TYSON CHANDLER WAS EITHER DOMINIQUE WILKINS OR HAROLD MINER IN THE DUNK CONTEST. But seriously, that reverse dunk off of one of Ray’s alley oops made me go like “HOLY SHITTAKE MUSHROOMS!” Tyson’s FG% and TS% did plummet just a little bit because he’s so inefficient, gosh *sarcasm clearly intended.* 7-11 from the field…not good enough *high expectations Asian father meme.* Nah, it’s all good. No one will surpass Tyson’s skyrocketing efficiency anytime soon. Tyson had a double-double (23-10) for the tenth time this season and had 3 blocks, along with some Tyson Tipouts™. Tyson is always there to keep the defense alive. He is the permanent chieftain of the defense, which will stay like that permanently. Also, the Rev Run takeover of the Knicks official Twitter account was a shit ton better than this incredibly “original” tweet by the ESPN Twitter account. Tyson should never be insulted by anyone. Oh wait, it’s ESPN.
- Ronnie Brewer is heavily regressing. Dave Hopla assistance needs to last for the whole season and not just a quarter of the season, at least I hope so. He’s been lost on defense, leaving his assignments like John Mayer does all the time with his exes. Brew needs to get his shot back in the mix, especially from the corner because he’s developed that into a secret weapon for the Knicks this year. Ronnie Brewer is on standby and shouldn’t have a role in the offense at the moment.
- Speaking of guys that regress, shooting ones in particular, Jason Kidd from the perimeter has been regressing SO HARD. Shooting slumps happen, but going 6-27 from three in the last three games is ridiculous. But despite his shooting woes, don’t laugh at J-Kidd under the glass (more like away from the glass when he rebounds). He had a marvelous 8 rebounds and 5 assists. J-Kidd played another 35 minutes. Maybe that’s why his shot has been off. Who knows.
- Because Steve Novak couldn’t pull off a Michael Jordan flu game performance, although shooting threes is his only designated responsibility, Chris Copeland got Novkaine’s bench spot. Cope resembled Novakaine, hitting a couple of wing threes, but didn’t resemble him by hitting a shot in the paint. Opposites don’t attract in that case.
- The adept J.R Smith from the beginning of the season came out of his habitat. He borrowed Tyson Chandler’s shot line (7-11. Don’t return it to him anytime soon.) and decided that he was going to take Raymond Felton long twos and convert them. J.R’s best highlight of the night was where the shot clock was winding down, and because of his great patience like he was waiting on line to get a hold of a new sneaker release, he dished to Tyson Chandler for a Tyson SMASH as the shot clock expired. J.R ended with a team leading +24, which is also the amount of followers he gained on Instagram after that pass (actually, he earned a lot more than that. Trust me).
- Pablo Prigioni played a quality 14 minutes, most of those 14 minutes being in the middle of that 23-7 run from the third quarter going into the fourth quarter. Sadly, there were none of Prigs’ patented, epic inbounds steals, but when Prigs was at the helm, the offense was thriving. Prigs still needs to get rid of his shot hesitancy, but stuff happens. I do think that Mike Woodson should let Prigs seek more minutes in the midst of Raymond Felton’s latest shooting struggles just because Ray needs to cease shooting bad shots. Not sure if that’ll happen, though.
- Krazy Eye Kurt Thomas almost got the Krazy smacked out of him at the end of the first half. We can’t have him cross-eyed. That’s actually crazy.
- “Flight” White *unleashes a garngantuan, foul fart.*
Were the Nets really mentally deficient when trying to prevent the Felton-Chandler alley oops? Yes they were. The Nets’ defense was basically the equivalent of Wile E. Coyote getting crushed by an anvil after trying to chase the Road Runner. Doubling Melo at mid-court sucked, and again, the alley oops pulverized them. I thought the defense would of realized that Ray’s intent was to get overwhelmingly excited by chucking up an alley oop to Tyson, but I guess not. “WATCH THAT BULLDOG GUY WITH THE ALLEY OOPS”- what Avery Johnson probably said in the film session on The Avery Johnson Show. Oh wait, there is no such thing. Also, Deron Williams is now blaming his struggles by complaining about Avery Johnson’s offensive system. I can second D-Will’s motion after the Knicks rout of the Nets. He didn’t have a bad game last night, but his season averages are atrociously awful. Thankfully, Reggie Evans didn’t eat the glass. No flops were reported either. The Mini Mid-Level Exception Man, Mirza Teletovic, and Tyshawn Taylor (I actually like both of them) got 2 minutes of run and posted a +4 each, better than all Nets’ starters (I’m trolling exceptionally hard). Andray Blatche was Andray Blatche, and…yeah.
We are now 19-6. The Knicks face Joakim Noah’s hair bun and the Bulls tomorrow. After the world ends (it won’t) tomorrow, we can’t say the phrase “Mayans” anymore whenever a player does something abnormal.
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